~Excerpt from A Light in the Dark~
Morgan
slammed the door behind her, and locked it. Fists clenched, nearly shaking in
rage, her breathing heavy, she grabbed the books off her bed and hurled them
across the room. The tears flowed freely now, as Morgan doubled over, her arms
embracing herself as if she was trying to hold her broken self together as the
pain overwhelmed her. It was as if she could physically feel the pain that was
mentally ripping her apart.
With
a deep gasping breath she reached for her knife in the drawer next to her bed.
Hidden under her lipsticks, eyeliners, and tissues. The emotions were
suffocating her; she had to let them out. It was the only way that came close to
expressing how lonely and hurt she felt.
So alone. Her family was taken from her, her friends were taken from her, her
home was taken from her. And what was she left with? A poor excuse for a family
that was trying their best to make her her own worst nightmare? People who
wanted her to be “normal” when normal meant being a slut, degrading all those
around her, cursing God’s name in all that she did, not caring about any person
or any thing except her self. What sort of life was that?
Her
arms were throbbing now, as little red drops trickled down her fingers. With a
hoarse scream of frustration, Morgan threw her knife as hard as she could at
the wall where it stuck fast imbedded a full inch into the wall. She sank to
her knees, sobbing, her head resting against the side of the bed.
Why God?! Why! What did I ever
do to deserve this? What did I ever do to warrant this hell I am stuck in? Why
won’t you help me God? Do you not care?!
Morgan’s
fingernails scratched across the wooden floor then curled around the bible that
she cherished and yanked it out. She stared down at it for a second, then flung
it to the floor with her other books. It skidded across the wood then flopped
open.
Huddled
against the side of the bed, Morgan clutched her legs to her chest, her bloody
arm smearing across her legs. She stared blankly; it hurt to think. Minutes
passed. With a deep breath Morgan reached a shaky hand out and pulled her bible
close to her, feeling a sharp stab of guilt for her outburst. The bible had
landed open to the eighth chapter of John. As she was about to close the bible,
words seemed to jump off the page at her, demanding she read them. Jesus spoke to them
again, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk
in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
More
tears spilled down her face and she silently implored, Dear God I’m sorry… I’m so messed up… I’m sorry… help me… show me where
this light is you promised because my life feels like a freaking black hole
right now. If you’re really out there... show me some light I beg you.
